Friday, October 22, 2010

going, going, back, back...

thats right folks, i'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow! can't wait to see my in-laws!

we have lots of fun things planned for next week - trip to yosemite, trip to sacramento, trip to gilroy (the garlic capital of the world, also home to the biggest outlet mall i have ever seen!), and the last day spent in san fran with a visit to alcatraz! woohoo!

Windmills in CA

with any luck, we will be successful at surprising my father-in-law tomorrow night! can't wait!

see y'all in a week!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

just "hanging" around

I'm just a Devil Dog... "hanging" around

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Sad State of American Politics as Told by Brett Favre's Affair Attempt

New Rule: If a Woman Rejects Your First Dozen Advances, Don't Send Her a Picture of Your Penis
By Bill Maher

New Rule: If a woman rejects your first dozen advances, don't up the ante by sending her a picture of your penis. This week, we found out that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre allegedly tried to get with a young woman by sending her MySpace messages, voicemails, and notes through a friend, and when none of that worked, and it was third and long -- though, not as long as most of us would have imagined -- he decided to throw the Hail Mary and sext her pictures of Little Brett to close the deal. Brett, I get it: Your dictionary doesn't include the word "quit" or "retire" or "married" but you've got to at least understand "punt." You know the worst part about having sex with Brett Favre? He keeps saying he's finished, and then he comes back to drag it out for another year.

To me, this story isn't about sports or sex or how necessary caller ID is -- it's about how pathetic and clueless white American males have become. Because the kind of guy who thinks there are women out there who just, cold, want to see your cock, is the same kind of guy who thinks Sarah Palin is swell and tax cuts pay for themselves. I will explain that connection further, but first let's just dwell for one more moment on how stupid it is to forget that in 2010 when you text someone a picture of your genitals, you're not just sending it to that person, but to every person she has in her contacts... and then everyone on the planet who has access to the Internet. Somewhere right now there's a tribesman in Samoa thinking, "Brett Favre is texting a picture of his dick to a woman? That shit never works."

And he's right -- no woman in the history of mankind has ever wanted to see a picture of a penis. Go back to the earliest cave paintings. The very first one is of a cock, and after that they're all antelopes and sunrises. But for some reason men persist. Why? Because men have always been in charge, especially white men. Brett Favre is like a lot of white males: he's owned the world for so long, he's going a little crazy now that he doesn't. Also, like many white men across the country, he lost his job to a Mexican, (i.e. Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez).

If Brett Favre's penis could talk, what would it say? Well, other than, "No photos please," I think it would say, "I'm not a witch. I'm you." Because for hundreds of years white penises were America. White penises founded America, they made the rules and they called the shots in the workplace, in the home, and at the ballot box. But now the unthinkable is happening. White penises are becoming the minority: 2010 was the first year in which more minority babies were born in the U.S. than white babies. This is what conservatives are really upset about -- that the president is black, and the best golfer is black, and the Secretary of State is a woman, and suddenly this country is way off track and needs some serious 'restoring.' If penises could cry -- and I believe they can -- then white penises are crying all over America.

And that's where this crew comes in; Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Michele Bachmann; the lovely MILFs of the new right. And their little secret is that their popularity comes exclusively from white men. Look at the polling: minorities hate them, women hate them -- only white men like them. I'm no psychiatrist, but I do own a couch, and my theory is that these women represent something those men miss dearly: the traditional, idiot housewife. Writing on your hand is sheer Lucy. If an election between Obama and Sarah Palin were held today, and only white men could vote, Sarah Palin would be president. Did you know that in 1788, when there were four million people in America, only 39,000 of them -- the richest white men -- got to vote? That doesn't sound good to you? Well, what if I threw in a picture of my cock? Which brings me back to Brett Favre, and I think it's worth noting that in one of the alleged photos of him, he's pleasuring himself on a bed while wearing Crocs. And if you think about it, is there any better metaphor for the sad state of America today than an over-the-hill white guy lazily masturbating in plastic shoes?

I think the last two sentences are really my favorite part of the whole piece! HAHA! Enjoy!

really excited!

hello my friends!

i'm really excited about next week, but i can't tell you just yet why.  we are going on a secret mission!  more details to come, but thats all i can say for right now.

on another note, any of my regular readers (not that i post regularly, so i guess this is for my irregular readers), post a comment below introducing yourselves if you feel so inclined.

Also, enjoy these pictures of my nieces and nephew... they are super adorable, don't you think?

Jaiden at our CA wedding last year

Madison on her 4th bday with the apron we sent her

Olive getting her mind blown on her 1st car ride facing forward

Rise with lots of Xmas presents!

Thats all folks!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Words I Like to Use In Place of Real Words...

These are used mostly in typing although sometimes in conversation. not all of these are from me, most are things my friends and I have come up with at some point during our college days:

meetoo - for me too. I think the double o needs a double e
awky - awkward, used to describe a situation
"sitch" - situation i.e. "so let me tell you about this awky sitch from last weekend"
obvi - obviously i.e. "obvi I am too lazy to say the whole word"

My grandmother is also famous for making up words and probably has her own dictionary, but here are two of my favorites:

texmex - text message "just send me a texmex about what time you are coming over"
warbaums/warmart - walbaums (the grocery store), walmart

Feel free to comment and add your own...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Unrealistic Expectations

Why is it that I think its ok to not write an entry in my blog for a month, but I expect my friends to update their blogs and sites every day?  Here's a little snippet of what happens pretty much every morning... I log into my computer and discover that said friends don't have an update.

I immediately get mad, like "Don't they know I need something to do all day? Because clearly I can't be expected to work for 8 hours straight.  What is my employer thinking? What is this, a concentration camp?  Its bad enough I gotta be here all day, when I could be sitting on my couch petting my dog, but to actually have to do something productive? Gimme a break... Ok did anyone post anything yet?"

Then upon discovering that, alas, there are no new posts, I frustratedly check for the 4th time that hour (surprise, surprise, nothing new on there either!) and procede to throw my mouse and walk to the bathroom in a huff. As soon as I get back, the cycle starts over again.  Thankfully, Dell makes some pretty robust mice (mouses? mices? moose?). 

Disclaimer: some or all of this story may or may not be true or false

Monday, October 11, 2010

I like to oat, oat, oat...

Ok, so I feel like for the past 2 years I have been saying, I'm going to lose that weight I put on because of my neck injury... but I am doing very little about it. Right before our wedding, I was crazy about maintaining so that I could at least fit into my wedding dress.  Now, not so much. I mean, the couch looks way more comfy that putting on sweats and trudging around on the hills of westlake.  At any rate, I was talking to my aunt that has MS this weekend and she gave me a snack tip.  Having MS, she can't do any excercise, sometimes she can barely walk, so she has to control her weight by diet.  She said that about an hour before dinner, or on my way home from work eat a snack bag (I'll outline what goes in it below) and drink a big glass of water, then cut out carbs with your dinner:

2 Wasa crackers broken up, 4-5 dried apricots, a small handful of Crasins and 2 squares of dark chocolate

So, I'm giving it a whirl today. The fiber of the Wasa crackers is supposed to help fill you up so that you don't eat as much with your dinner and also act as the carbohydrate that you would get with your meal normally. As someone who loves rice, this may end up dissapointing because I won't be able to have that with my meals anymore, but losing weight seems like a priority right now.  So bye bye rice, hello wasa trail mix. Wish me luck!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Something you may not know about me: I have dreams of being a published author...

... except I'm an engineering, not an english major. I mean, gosh darn it, people are lucky I can tie my own shoes, forget about abstract thinking! I can't find a good tone and I don't have the patience to stick with one topic for more than a page. Be that as it may, here is a little blurb I wrote sometime in the past 2 years:

I never thought I’d be 24 with no boyfriend, living at home with my parents… Private college dealt a blow to my disposable income, about a mortgage worth… When you end school with a grand total of $80,000 it can really cut your money situation… that and the fact that I am and always have been a spender… 5 credit cards and 14k later, I’m feeling a little akin to Rebekka Bloomwood. But instead of having a closet full of designer duds, I have a Helly Hanson jacket, 7 Kate Spades and about 40 extra pounds on me… What can I say, I like fine foods and wine! So, instead of having my 40k a year to spend smart on a house or an apartment, I’m putting $1300/month to bills, living with the ‘rents, and going out for drinks and dinner about 4 times a week… or as often as I can convince my parents to dog-sit for me.

Like most graduating seniors, I had a rosy view of what life after college would be like. I’ll move home for a few months, maybe a year to “get my bearings in the real world.” I’ll even get a dog, you know, to keep me company and take to the park to meet cute guys and go on lots of dates!

Reality sets in quick. I hadn’t even graduated yet and I had already picked out a puppy on A quick ok from my parents and 3 weeks before graduation, my little bundle of fur was on his way from Lafayette, LA! Of course, I could only visit on the weekends because I was finishing up school, so my parents got the early morning potty chore, the coming home at lunch potty chore, the after work potty chore and the before bed potty chore… not to mention the feeding and walking.

But, finally, I was home for good. Accustomed to spending my last 5 years my way, having this 25 pound terror in my life was quite a change. I had to get up at 5am for the 1st potty walk of the day as well as breakfast. Then there was about 12 hours of “don’t do that, don't eat that, what are you doing?” chasing around the house… with a few more walks and a nap in there somewhere. It was practically a blessing to start work after 2 months of that!

I never thought I’d be working in a cubical… all day, every day! They call it the daily grind, because that’s what it does, grinds you down. I sit in my 10 square feet of space everyday working on my computer hoping for a production problem so I can run downstairs and be a hero. Anything to get me away from this desk and the same project day in, day out. Let me tell you folks, engineering is not all its cracked up to be… Its really a lot less glamorous than they tell you. In college, I thought I’d be designing something wonderful, something that would change people’s lives, but what I do is design lights for corporate jets. While it sounds cool, no rich guy’s going to care that I designed their landing light… they probably don’t even know there is a light you are supposed to have on when you land, they clearly have people for that, right? So I chug along, everyday, with my lights and a million pieces of paper for the FAA. Does anyone keep track of what THEY are doing? I mean, you can write yourself in circles before you get approval from them! I think we need a watchdog to monitor their requirement list… use some common sense people. We are making lights here, not engines… we aren’t a mission critical item. If your wing rips off, I got news for you, you aren’t going to be making sure you have proper lighting… you’re going to be looking for your parachute and praying!

So there you have it... that was the place I was in right after I met my husband. I'm in a different place now, but I still have the attention span of a gnat and can't seem to get it down on paper.

Thursday, October 7, 2010